relaxation is hard work

I want to relax after a days work. So I eat and sometime sleep for an hr just after eating. Rest of the evening I want to relax as well so I watch TV and do a few chores. It seems like a pretty relaxing way of spending the evening but often I am the opposite of relaxed.

When I am relaxed, it is often when I have finished what I set out to do for the day. I have exercised in the morning and had modest amount of TV and other things.

It seems counterintuitive to me most time that relaxation would come from first tiring myself. The imagery on media of a person on beach does not help much. A constant state of inaction is not relaxation. It require from us hard work so that we can really be relaxed.

why it is hard to be driven?

It is hard to keep passion alive in life and keep achieving new heights that we are proud of all our life. I was recently with a relative who came with a one way ticket to USA with almost nothing in his pocket. He worked hard to become a millionaire. It is extraordinary then that he finds it difficult to find new purposes that elicit the same passion.

Story is same for me. I cleared ultra-competitive IIT entrance exams against all odds. Came to USA on scholarship and made it my home. But now I miss the passion that led me here. How can I rekindle that fire?

The hard work for IIT was fueled by many reasons. Prime amongst them the desire to escape slum like conditions at home, a desire to show people who look us down or take revenge on those who treated us unfairly, a desire also to show girls my age my worthiness, a desire to achieve excellence etc. These set of negative positive driving forces all led to the same end goal - IIT. IIT was the magic that would answer all questions.

I many times have tried to make artificial goals like learning French or building muscles only to end us forgetting them or not achieving these goals. I identify a lack of passion as the main reason for failure. I wonder why I don't have passion. Do I have to have reasons like taking revenge or showing off to someone necessarily to get myself motivated enough along the way? it is worth to note one of the recent endeavor that might throw some light on possible answers,

Recently I prepared for MBA admission. I had prepared for GMAT many times with same results. I did not apply, though. I Just keep on delaying, first it was not great score, then choice of school. I just did not feel the passion. But something happened in the new job. It was in a remote place. It was similar in content to my previous job and this, I knew I was preparing for a disappointment later. My son is growing up and I do not want to bring him up in this remote place. This combination propelled me to apply despite all my job duties and duties related to raising a child. I succeeded in my efforts to get in a MBA program in world's top 5.

It appear to me that the passions originates from within and there are generally many reasons leading to the same passion/goal. Everything is answered by this one goal and we immerse ourselves completely to achieve it. But the goal making is not artificial. It is not that we can decide at one instance to build our body or learn French. It is more of a intricate play of various necessities and desires that culminate into one final sentence that propels us for action.  

Kids develop fast

Kids develop fast and their behavior changes dramatically. This surprises and delights a ordinary person used to seeing adults with the predictable behaviors.

A few month ago, my son went through the possessiveness phase. He was about 13 months old. He will not let me go when I will drop him off at daycare. He will not let his mom go while leaving home. Our evenings were runined because he wants to cuddle or stay close to mom and pop. At daycare, i have plan out an extra 10 min just to be with him until he is a tad bit distracted, giving me a small opportunity to slip out. Man, that was hard as it will be weigh on my heart whole day.

Two months later everything has changed. He says bye when i leave him at the daycare or home and does not ask for cuddle as much. He has, however, become very territorial about his stuff. He wants to eat with his own hand and doesn't let anyone close to his food at daycare. He still wakes up in the night a few times. But we do not pay too much attention to his demands for cuddle, training him to take care of himself.

Bored

I am bored.

The kind of bored when you climb Everest and think at the pinnacle - now what. In some way, preparing for IND was an Everest-act for me but now i am there and cannot do much but wait - it is like  "now what" feeling. Achievement is only a disruption - only provides purpose for a time and happiness when we are climbing and have not achieved it. At the moment of triumph - it is only ugly and boring. A lifelong purpose that has milestones as achievements is probably more apt for me. 

Surroundings define us

I read HBR article about how the Queen's office of revenue increased its collection rate from 57% to 83% by employing some psychological techniques. Instead of threatening people to pay up or go to jail they told people that the whole town have paid taxes on time and you are the only one lagging behind. It worked. Amazing....

It makes sense because I can see how it applies to my life. Today a friend of my wife came with family to visit and see fall colors. They have similar family as our - husband, wife and son. Both husband and wife work - like my family. Husband works from home like my wife does. Same age, one kid of similar age. Result - we were fast to identify ourselves with one another. In such situations it is easy to get impressed with the other person and come to expect from the partner what other partner is doing in other marriage. A side effect of being too similar. So it goes that my wife's friend's husband was very good with kid's chores. I am not so good but more than make up on other fronts (my wife agrees). By the second day, my wife was upset on many things which she always passed on before. We had a small fight about it. I reminded her about this article and how it is very easy to get influenced by those surrounding us. By the end of the day, she realized her mistake and made up. I am glad that the article helped.

I learn from this episode how much people and place influence us. We, as human beings, are conformists. We are like water that takes the shape of the vessels it is poured in. Except in our case, we have a choice of vessels. The people we are with and structure we inhibit ultimately decides our destiny.

Nobody to share to......

When I share an achievement with friends and family, those who know what it means are generally those who are not very happy about it. My parents are happy but most of my friends are not happy they are often jealous. I will admit that I am jealous too when some friends of mine achieve success beyond what I think they are capable of. This realization ultimately makes me not to share things with friends and people who I know will not be enjoy it. 

Getting over BS

Often time I have found that family and friends are afraid to say the truth when I ask for their opinion. They either do not want to hurt our feelings or simply too lazy to go through the material we have asked their opinion on. When a sugar coated lie is told instead of a hurting truth, it leads to a lose-lose situation. Most often we fail at what we are doing and when we eventually realize that we were told a sugar coated lie, we lose trust. Both sugar coated lies and harsh truth have happened with me.

In the first year of the graduate school in US, I was keen to get admission to a better ranking school. Therefore, I applied to many IVY league universities in US. In preparation for the application material, I asked opinion on my 'Statement of Purpose' from two people and made many mistakes doing so. First, both of them were lazy losers in their own lives and second, they are not a bit interested to hurt my feeling telling the truth. Result was that they returned the material without many comment saying that it looks good to them. I applied 13 schools spending $1000 and did not get admission in even one of them.... Not a single one of them..... I lost 5 years in somewhat mediocre institute with mediocre people. Yes, there were many aspect of it that benefitted development of my personality more than if I would have been in a high ranking school, but career wise it stamped me mediocre. I learned two things: first ask opinion from capable people and second ask in a way that they feel confortable to give a true evaluation.

Recently, I applied to a single MBA school ranked in world's top 5 and got in. Learning from my earlier experience and a bit of luck were instrumental to this achievement. Early in the application, I asked the opinion of a alumni of the said school. He dispatched a scathing critique of my essays. It was likes somebody slapped me to reality. It was very harsh on my ego. But I consider myself lucky that it was not a sugar coated lie. I thanked him for his frank opinion, collected myself and then worked on my essays extra hard to get them to the level for an interview call. An encouragement for frank opinion helped me build trust. Again his tips on the interview helped me impress interviewers and despite an average GMAT and above average age, I got in with flying colors. This achievement and the journey to this achievement will always be a guiding light to me.

At home, my wife likes to get sugar coated lies instead of harsh truth. House is very dirty because she does not act like a owner of the house and be lazy about things. Dirty diapers are everywhere, there is food on the floor that our son picks up and eat and gets sick, there is no surface in the house where a laptop can be put and worked on, her desk has everything from comb to dirty plate etc. I admit that I am not great either but the difference between her and me is that I give a fight before things go out of control. Usually, things go in following order - I get helpless and angry when things get out of control, resulting in some action from my wife. But these actions never sustain, leading to a cycle of long disorganized mess followed by a few days of cleanliness. When I get angry, my wife responds in two extremes - first she remains quite for extended periods of time with sullen face, leading to increase my pitch because I get the signal that my point is not getting across. But as soon as I increase my volume she either gets angry or starts crying, forcing me to step back. I have made her see extremities of these responses and how lack of communication is not helping us find solution together and also, coming to our original discussion, how sugar coated lies are not helping improve ourselves. Today we had one of those cleanliness days after prolonged disorganized mess that got our son sick. We have made a pact to do things differently but not the same way we made pacts before. I am hopeful it would work :)

judge and discrimination

I judge and discriminate. I would rather say that I have learned to do so. I cannot simply waste time and emotions on all of those who come and make contact. It is too risky. Judging and discriminating is my defense to avoid wasted opportunity with those I want to be with.

With time, I have realized that it is just a waste to spend time with people you do not share common interests or visions. It is true that sometime a little diversity or others point of view adds life and generates new ideas. But too much of it just leads to confusion and chaos. As it is said, the people and environment affect us - structure defines conduct, it is important that we surround ourselves to likeminded people and find time to spend on our passion. This is why I judge and discriminate to filter out those who would distract me from following my dream.

There is some discussion on this topic, views are worth mentioning here

Q. I've never understood this. It is a nice phrase, ideally it would be pleasant if there was no need to judge and everyone could live in peace and harmony. But this is not reality. In reality there is conflict, and these conflicts must be resolved. How could this be done without handing out judgments? One must judge what is right and wrong, what is acceptable and unacceptable, just and unjust. Tell me, how can problems be solved in any other way? 

Telling someone to not judge others makes no sense. It is true that we should not judge too quickly, irrationally, or in various other flawed ways. But to say we should not judge at all? How else do you intend to approach life? When one speaks of a supposed problem and a party responds that you should not judge, that is a poor defense. People only say such things because in the end they do not want to themselves to be judged. They do not want to acknowledge the flaws in their own ways.

If you have an opposing view please, let me know.
A. I think you're taking the statement too literally.
What the statement really is trying to say is to make sure you have taken into account all relevant issues and evidence, reach a calm logical conclusion and state your conclusion with a certain level of empathy.

Basically, make sure you tick all the boxes and be nice about it.

But of course there are cases (mass murderers) where no one would dare say "you shouldn't judge others".

The challenge ahead!

The year ahead will be challenging for both my wife and me. It will be challenging for me since I will away from the family for a long time in a new country involved in a rigorous curriculum. But I will miss my son the most. I look forward to time when I go to his daycare in the evening to pick him up. When he sees me, he comes running to me with a smiling face. I will miss this when I will be away. He will miss that too.

It will be hard for my wife because it will be the first time she will be taking care of our son alone. Nobody to help her out. Taking care of oneself is one thing, taking care of a kid while father is away is another. I do not think she realize it yet. I am trying to make her realize it so that we are somewhat prepared when the time to part come. But I guess some things can not be realized until they happen.

I truly believe that this experience will test us out. Not that we did not have similar experience before.  We had. But none of this intensity. It will intense for both of us. I also hope that this experience will change us for the better as other experiences did.

Got in!

11:00 EST was the time when I lost hope. For without it, probably, i would have not got the sweetest, the most terrifying and thrilling surprise of my life. I got in.. I made it to INSEAD. INSEAD is the only school I applied to and I got in. When I got the call from +33 number, I was coming from the blood donation to Red Cross. In back of my mind, I knew that INSEAD only sends rejects on the last day. Friday was the last day. As 11 am EST is 5 pm in Fontainbleau, France, my calculation said that 11 am on Thursday is the end of my MBA dream. I was so depressed with my mind in constant turmoil on what went wrong in my application. I did very best on essays, my interviews were good, maybe GMAT was not that good or my experience was not enough. All sorts of reasons were making me tired. When the call from INSEAD came at 11:13, I did not know what to talk about. I went blank. In fact I was so much in daze that at the end of the call, I asked if I got admitted and who am I talking to. When I called my wife to tell about my admit, I failed to recall even one sentence of the conversation. So much so that after talking to my wife, we were not sure if I got in or was waitlisted or simply rejected (this option was logically eliminated). I waited whole night to get the email from the admin office (3:45 am) that confirmed that I got in. For the whole next day, i was pinching myself to believe the news. INSEAD MBA has been a dream for four years.

We underestimate our power

It is said that human nature is like water - we like to flow downward. Meaning if unchecked we like to do things that lead to our downfall. Personally, i have experienced it constantly. If I don't have to cook food or clean my house, I will never do it - no matter how much pleasure I derive from cooking. Opposite is also true. We underestimate what we can do. I experience it as well time to time. Few months ago, I had more than one occassions to experience it. My father is very fond of music, sweets and entertainment stuff. A few months ago, we introduced him to iPad and he was hooked to the point that he ignored everything. I decided to cut the access to wifi so that only stuff already on iPad could be read - mainly books. After a few days of the access restriction, my wife and mom tried to talk me into resuming the access. It was inconceivable for them how my father will cope with no entertainment all day (we don't have cable). I convinced them to allow few more days of no access. It is few months now and I have to say that it has been great. We, including I, underestimated the power of my father to weather changes. The lack of access helped him and us see what else is possible. I got my father a diary since I knew his interest in reading and writing. In last month, he almost filled 500 pages and was so happy to share it with all of us. He also made a video diary by recording it on iPad. I think, this will be a great heritage for my son. Something so personal his granddad has left him.

Another example was during writing of the application to school. My wife did not believe that she can write a small document since she was so out of touch with writing stuff. She made all sort of excuses to not write. We had a big fight at the end close to the deadline. She cried too. I told her to just write as she is telling me a story without looking back what she has written. She wrote a lot and then later corrected it. The final version was very good. When she read the final version herself, she could not believe that she has written it.
We again discovered how much we underestimate ourselves.

Making friends

Help and generosity goes a long way. Recently an Indian family joined my company. They were still looking for decent housing, which is very hard to find because of remoteness of the location of the company. Before they could even set themselves even for a day, their 2 year old daughter got very sick to the point of getting hospitalized. New to the area, they asked for help of everyone they saw or knew, not many people. When my wife and I came to know about it, we helped them with home cooked food and connecting with the people in the community to get to a good care. After their daughter was out of they hospital, they bought a house and one day invited us. We realized it then how much this small act of kindness has brought us closer to them. We made them our lifelong friends.

Being a father

Yesterday I was watching an episode of the family guy where Brian, the dog, comes to find his long lost GF. He discovers that the GF had a son from him. GF is in a bad shape and so she leaves son to the Brian's home. Brian gradually forms a bond with the son and start feeling fatherly. Now what is remarkable about the story is how much I could identify with the fatherhood part of it. There is a scene where Brian is sitting in a bar with family guy gang and Peter goes "Brian what will happen if your son fell out of the window". As soon as Brian hears this, he closes his eyes and start shaking his head. He is being protective. A few days earlier, my son was leaning on the mosquito net of an open window. I was so scared. From then on, I keep that window closed. My mind keep playing the imagined scenario when the filmsy mosquito net fails under the weight of my son and he falls down. I can't take this thought out of my mind. I can certainly feel the fatherhood.

When habits are enemies

Habits sometime are enemies. There are certain times when I want to make good habits. Like the habit to wake up at a certain time and the habit to do morning ritual - excercise, bathing and brushing on all days of week rain or shine. But good habits are not always good and with time they might go sour.

This has happened to me so many times. I start on something - intially everything is well and good. I have lots of ideas, i participate enthusiatically and work hard but as the time progresses, habits are formed and fun from doing things is gone. Habits and repetitive work are enemies of a creative mind.

I have changed 3 jobs in last 4 years and the reason for leaving for the last job has always been these habits and my inability to break free or employer indifference/inability to offer options.

The HBR article below talks about these habits from a differerent perspective and help understand what need to be done to break free.

http://blogs.hbr.org/cs/2012/07/stimulate_your_customers_lizar.html

Dealing with idiots

There are people who work according to logic and there are those who don't. Those who defy logic can be either genius or stupidest of all. Geniuses are people whose logic is so deep that others can not fathom it. Idiots are people who are so illogical that nothing they do make sense. Unfortunately, since deeper thinking takes effort to cultivate, it is only logical to think and statistically known that idiots are more numerous than the logical one.

I have seen at work and in personal life a lot of people who work according to no logic. They never know why they are living and doing what they are doing. For example at work, I have a person who tries to evade work. I can not understand what could be logic behind evading work. We are in a remote area, so it is not like we can do much after work. Not doing work means not going to next skill level faster or learning new skill. So if the company goes bankrupt, a real possibility in today's bad economy, poor skills will come to haunt badly. Everyone in the team can very easily see that the person is not making the effort which does not help making good relationships because other team members have to bear the extra workload.

As a person responsible to get work done, it presents are tricky situation for me. I can not make logic to the person and expect to get the work done. If I have a choice, I can ignore the person. But if I don't have that choice, what is my way out?

I have thought about it and come to the conclusion that at least I do not need to appease person's habits. I have an inkling that the person respond to authority. So now I will not ask the person about the weather or family or other personal things trying to make a conversation. This will make him see that I am interested in getting the work done and do not give a shit about what he does. It will make it clear that the first priority at work is the current job itself and help him see that I am not happy with his behavior.

Be a man - it solves problem

Be a man and not be a cry baby. Cultures have kept a lot of misgiving about other cultures because somebody did something to their forefathers. Yes, it is true that it is hard to accept that our genes could be weak as well. But we all lost sometimes. Be a man and accept defeat and vow to be a winner next time. Not that we stick to mistakes of ancestors and protect them and emulate them. At the end we are all human. Our ancestors made mistakes others ancestors made some other point of their lives. When we can truly be a man and accept our mistakes, we can learn from others who defeated us. What is so crazy about it?

Being bossy is not always bad

The HBR article confirms my perception (Why Bossy Is Better for Rookie Managers by Stephen J. Sauer). I always thought seeking opinion of the subordinate is better than telling them what to do. But it seems people are not always happy to be required to speak their opinion. I have noticed that subordinates, especially those older than me, choose to take instructions because they find me technically more knowledgable or better in certain aspects than because I seek their advice. In fact, taking advice sometimes can be misinterpreted as being inexperienced and not confident or knowledgable. I feel that there should be a balance when to take opinion and when to be assertive in what to do.

When family-run business might be a good thing

At least in my mind, family run business bring the image of dirty money, inefficient staff and low level of satisfaction. I like investor run companies like GE and IBM where people rise to the top by the virtue of their merit. But then, I ask, some of the family run businesses are so succeful - TATA, Mittal, Reliance, some european one and Corning in USA. Is there some fundamental aspect of the family run business that is an advantage.

My thoughts were swayed by a book and an article I read recently. Book - bell curve - notes finding of the studies that later generations of rich families gradually acquire low IQ, leading to demise of family fortune. In case, rich families have a way to infuse high IQ meritocratic people in the gene pool, they survive and flourish. Example given in UK's royal family that has a tradition of marrying into meritorious (read high IQ) commoner.

Aricle - MIT Corning Incorporated: The Growth and Strategy Council - takes the case of Corning, a family run company that survived telecommunication bubble in year 2000. Corning is still innovating, maybe more rigorous, while other similar companies e. g. Kodak are gone into oblivion or changed business - IBM.

I agree with all the findings. In investor run organization, business is driven by only profit and self-interest . In the family run businesses, profit and self-interest are not the only driving forces. When the crisis hits, investor run businesses cam close their shop easily, since higher management is not so much emotionally invested in the business. Higher management or bosses of family run businesses are emotionally attached to their businesses, they or their forfathers help build. In Corning case, it was emotional for Houghton family to see their 150 year old business going down and thus, they made extra effort to save it. Kodak did not make same level of effort.

But in order to survive, a family run business must value merit and infuse merit in all levels. Corning's current CEO Wandell Weeks started out at Corning but left to pursue MBA at Harvard. When he was leaving, then company President James Houghton personally invited him to return to Corning to run the business. Wendall Weeks had central role in turning around fortunes of almost bankrupt Corning in 2000.

For posterity: Stories from my family 2

My grandfather was a political person. Many of his life stories illustrate his quest for power, glory and respect. He did not achieve much from a state or even a local level. However, many of his deeds changed the lives of many for better and for worse.

My grandfather was very involved in Rastriya Swayam Sevak Sangh - RSS. He acted as the Treasurer of Bharatiya Janta Party - BJP for many years. He was also in board of directors for many educational and cheritable organizations.

One of the story involves my grandfather's friend and friend's daughter who was about 18 years old in 1950's. I will call friend Mr M and daughter Ms K. Mr. M's wife was not very watchful of her three daughters and that was perhaps the reason Ms. K got in the trap of the teacher who used to come home to teach them. Mr. M's wife used to travel a lot and thus, remain out of the house quite often. The result was that first Ms. K got involved with the teacher and then gradually started going out with him to his villlage. For 1950's time, it is unimaginable how it was even allowed. I can think of such a situation now in 2012 when girls without boyfriends are rare to find even in small cities. Anyways. Mr. K eloped with her boyfriend and it was found later that the teacher got her with him and has married to her. It was a matter of great shame but most of all, something was fishy in the whole episode. This certain teacher was not considered to be a nice man and for all it seemed more a case of infactuation than love. But since the girl has eloped and this guy for forcibly not bringing her out, there was no way to find out. Mr M were devastated but as was the practice with weak guys those days, he tried to accept the situation. My grandfather, though, did not accept the situation. I don't know why he did so. My theory is that he did so for his own glory. But he did a great work. My grandfather spoke to Mr. M and encourgaed him to go to police. When Mr, M refused for the fear of disgrace in the society, my grandfather quoted that it would be bigger disgrace if your girl would be in a brothel one day, for which there were fair chances. Still Mr. M did not do anything, my grandfather decided to act alone. My grandfather used his connections in power and bribe to mobilize the police to search the house of the teacher. Police could not find anyone in the house of the teacher who had the support of his villagers as well. My grandfather alongwith the police spied on the house from a hiding place for few nights and ultimately succeeded in finding Ms. K locked in a small room. With the police, he raided the house and got Ms. K out. Teacher's family had hidden ger in the small room where she was given food and other things. When asked by police Ms. K told the police that everything was with her consent and she wants to stay with the teachers family. Smelling something wrong in the body language, grandfather asked the police to interrogate the couple in police station. Only problem was that villagers were ready to attack at the police any time. After much difficulty police succeeded in taking the couple out to the police station. In police station, the teacher was slapped a few times and threatened in front of the Mr. K, symbolically showing Mr. K that she does not need to worry about the teacher. Ms. K eventually told the police that teacher has taken obscene photographs of the girl and she was bring threathened that those photographs would be made public. That was the reason for her consent. Ms K came back to her house and soon married to an engineer from USA. She now has two children and happy with her life.

For posterity: Stories from my family 1

A few days ago, my mom started recounting our family history. It is a fascinating account of .... "survival" if you may and also, an account of how child mortality improved in India - reason for 1-2 kids /per family in pre 1930's, 10-12 kids per family post 1950's, 4-5 kids per family in 1970's and 1-2 kids now in today's nuclear families. I realized, having born in 1950's she would probably be the only person alive in my family with  so much knowledge of our ancestry. And it is worth preserving for the posterity.

My grandfather came from a village "Tikatnagar" near Faizabad or Ayodhya, birthplace of Ram, the reason why we are AyodhyaVashi Vashya caste. The grandfather of my grandfather was "Mukhtiyar" or "Power of Attorney" of  Tikait Maharaj's successor. Tikait Maharaj himself is known to be very cheritable. Many ponds, schools and hospital of old days are testitomony. Imambara in Lucknow, India was also built by Taikat Maharaj. There are many cheritable deeds of my grandfather. Here are some of them

He was known to be very cheirtable. His knowledge about the local medicine was kept in high regard by surrounding village. Many villagers, who were perhaps past paitients treated by him, used to volunteer for him to prepare medicine from local spices, roots and tree barks. Every morning, there used to be a line to get treatment from him from various ailments from stomach ache to severe lesion. Once there a person from the other village having a severe stomach ache. He diagnosed the problem and asked the man to take the caster oil immediately. The man from the other village did not follow intruction and thought he would take it on return to his village by the evening. However, my grandfather has knew that the problem would be very severe in a few hours. Understanding that the man is not going to follow instruction, he asked his companions to buy caster oil and administer it on severe pain en-route. True to my grandfather's world, the man suffered severe pain strokes and was administered the medicine that saved his life.

Story of my fathers - survival

Karayal - north India pulses recipe

Karayal is a north Indian recipe with pulses (moong dal) as primary ingredient. My mom made it today - I had it today after 12+ years. Here is the recipe, both for my memory and your information. For 4 people, 2 cups moong dal pulses with green skin Haram masala Heing or asafoetida Green chillies - 2 chillies Ginger 1 inch piece Oil Turmeric Coriander powder Soak moong dal for a night. Grind the soaked moong dal with green chillies and ginger to fine paste. Add a little asafoetida during grinding. Take 1/3 of the paste out in a bowl. Airate this portion of the paste by stirring vigorousely. Once airated, the paste should float on water. Heat oil to the point it begins to smoke - put airated paste in small amount in the heated oil to fry it. Wait until it gets brown to take it out. Keep all the fried chunks of the paste. Heat 2 tablespoon of oil in a pan and put half a spoon of turmeric and little asafoetida in it. Immediately pour rest of the paste into the pan and pour 4 times volume water. Add coriander 1 tablespoon and half tablespoon garam masala. Add salt to taste. Keep stirring until the solution turns a little green usually 10- 15 min. Add fried paste in the en and keep at very low temperature for 5 mins.

Some psyvhology into our everyday behavior

Today I went with my brother for a nature walk. My brother comes for a few weeks every few months away from the hustle bustle of his CEO existence to be with the family and enjoy the quiteness of USA. On our walt, I was constantly talking about one or other things. At the end of our small walk, we came to small cottage where my brother stopped me and commented that I have a rather restless existence these days. It is almost as I am not in the moment and somewhere else, solving issuees, worrying about things not done or bragging about new devices/knowledge etc. It was sharp insight in my state of being and thought process. Not pleasant but true. He further commented that he has gone through the same, and had some learnings from movie "dead poets society". In the movie, some poets meet in a cave to share poem among a tightly knit community and kept the poems within their group. He said that before telling everyone about new knowledge and stuff, we should keep it to ourselves for a certain period of time. Slowly we loose interest in most of that information, what remains is the true things we are interested in. When we restrain ourself from instantly sharing every worry or brag about every excitement to the person next to us, we do not victims of people expectations and drive our lives ourself. To illustrate the above point, he gave the example of one experiment by students of a psychology class. Students frowned when the teached wrote on the left side and looked pleased when teached wrote on the right side. In few days, the teacher was conducting most of the class writing right side of the blackboard. The feedback of the student has subconciousely changed the behavior of the teacher. This is how our behavior is changed by the feedback of people we surround ourselve with. We constantly seek feedback from others subconciousely and if we are not watchful of our thought process or define who weinteract with, we change ourselves.

Roller coaster day

Today was roller coaster ride but does not seem so. Woke up to find that son had a pink eye. I was worried. I used to be a carefree sort of person before I became father. All the events of last day passed in front of my eyes to see which one might have caused pink eyes. But later realized that it was conjectivitus virus. Only thing is we have to be careful that none of us adults get it otherwise the virus will make rounds in the family. Day was dull. It is sping vacation time in schools and thus, ideal time for parents to take week off for vacation from work. Same thing in Taiwan, so we end up with no meetings or low attendance in meeting. I came home to find that son's eyes are not so pink anymore - sign that everything is getting better. Thankfully none of us has got conjectivitus. But the good thing was yet to come. It was interview day for my wife, who is searching for work from home position. Today's interview went well, but another interview few days ago brought some good news. She got in. She was so happy after almost three months of no work. Work is amazing thing. It not only provides financial support but also imparts self-confidence and self-worth to a person. Some people with kids tell us that with two kids spending on day- care almost equals to one parents salary. So it makes more sense to not send kids days- care. Instead one of the parents take care of the kids. We do not agree with this logic because the monitory benefits is not the only benefit job provides. Besides there are other things such as kids with other kids in day care learn more than being with a parents alone at home.

Harvard business review and economist

For many days I am in search of insightful content in articles. In news, I am looking not so much for unbiased news, though it would be nice, as looking for a complete picture. News from all over the world and news from many different sources. This desire came into being when I watched Ahmadinejad speech on Singapore news channel in my recent visit to Taiwan. I have to admit that after so many years listening Ahmadinejad demonized in American media, I imagined him as a fanatic with no capacity of rational thinking. No wonder it was quite a surprise to see him talk logically. On my return to USA I opened a google reader account and added rss from news from different parts of world. I discovered some good news sources - al jazeera, Asia news network. Other than news, I also rediscovered other good sources. Economist is at the top of my list for being the most complete international and in-depth news, however, judging from it content from India (I am an Indian and so understand the content biasedness), I feel it is a little Americanized. Harvard business review is just amazing for its realistic content. In my brother's words "no bullshit" content. As an example, there are articles on such cliche and everyday questions "should one follow one's dream and money will follow?" but analysis and recommendation is not everyday and ordinary.

Actions cure fear

Karayal is a north Indian recipe with pulses (moong dal) as primary ingredient. My mom made it today - I had it today after 12+ years. Here is the recipe, both for my memory and your information. For 4 people, 2 cups moong dal pulses with green skin Haram masala Heing or asafoetida Green chillies - 2 chillies Ginger 1 inch piece Oil Turmeric Coriander powder Soak moong dal for a night. Grind the soaked moong dal with green chillies and ginger to fine paste. Add a little asafoetida during grinding. Take 1/3 of the paste out in a bowl. Airate this portion of the paste by stirring vigorousely. Once airated, the paste should float on water. Heat oil to the point it begins to smoke - put airated paste in small amount in the heated oil to fry it. Wait until it gets brown to take it out. Keep all the fried chunks of the paste. Heat 2 tablespoon of oil in a pan and put half a spoon of turmeric and little asafoetida in it. Immediately pour rest of the paste into the pan and pour 4 times volume water. Add coriander 1 tablespoon and half tablespoon garam masala. Add salt to taste. Keep stirring until the solution turns a little green usually 10- 15 min. Add fried paste in the en and keep at very low temperature for 5 mins.

love is beautiful

I was listening to Kafi Azmi - father of Sabana Azmi but known in his own accord. A great urdu poet, many beautiful bollywood songs are written by Kafi Azmi in the year when songs were still meaningful.

Kafi Azmi is a muslim and understandably must have felt the pinch of Babri demolition. I will be honest that I was happy with the Babri Demolition at the time and can not pretend to make peace with it even now, though, my views are subdued. I think it would be foolish to correct all wrongs of the history and certainly, Babri demolition was such a stupidity in its extreme form.

Today I stumbled on one of Kafi's recitation on the Babri Demolition where he expressed his disappointment and bitterness. Two things that came to my mind - somehow, poets, painter, actors, sportsman in my mind are above and beyond the political nonsense (though they certainly might not be). And when a person of such a high standing speaks his/her bitterness about a petty political drama, it feels like king in a brawl in the street. Result is lowering of status of that person in my mind - sort of a feeling when you came to know that Obama is one of you. The respect is lowered and mystery and aura is diminished.





Second thing is about love. Love is beautiful to hear while complaint is not. It just makes it all unromantic. Even when it is about the real bitterness and frustation. Someone posted a video of a sardar who loved Urdu language in the comment section of Kaifi Azmi video. Maybe that guy wanted to point to absorb some love than looking for negativity in Kaifi's poem. Kaifi is a great poet but I loved the love of the Sardar.

इश्क हो जाये किसी से कोई चारा तो नहीं
सिर्फ मुस्लिम का मुहम्मद पे इजारा तो नहीं

Flying Cars

Slashdot is running a story on Flying Cars. By now, I have seen many different versions of these cars, the below one seems to be interesting and cheap but then do not know how practical it is for urban take off and landing. I am so curious to see a flying car suitable for 200 miles travel.

http://www.smartplanet.com/blog/thinking-tech/meet-the-maverick-the-only-fully-legal-flying-car/5585

Nomad - Poem

On a trip to Taiwan, I had a strange euphoria. The feeling that no one knows me makes me very comfortable and free. In normal circumstances, a foreign place and new language would unsettle most of us. Perhaps, I find myself free since there are no expectations of being somewhere or doing something. In other words, I have no routine for me, no set pattern for the day. Or maybe, anonymity sets me free - I can do whatever i want to do and no one is watching me.

भटकता बंजारा सा मन
जब दुनिया देखकर, घर आता है,
दुनिया नहीं पाता ।
इस दौड़ भाग में, मैं समय तो भूल ही गया ।
भूल ही गया,
की मेरे गाँव की गलियां,
मेरा स्कूल,
मेरा बगीचा,
अब मेरे बस मन में बसता है ।

We go back to places we were born with expectation that we would find stuff of our memories. But everything has moved on. Our time and our stuff only lives in our memories.

रुके कहीं पर,
तो मर जायेंगे ।
चूंकि संसार का नियम नहीं है, रुकना ।
चले तो भी,
मर जायेंगे,
इस धरती के बिना।
जाये तो जाये कहाँ ?

Bati or Litti Chokha - a healthy bihari - indian recipe

Made Litti Chokha - very healthy food. This is a bihari recipe. During my bachelors, some of the weeks I used to have litti chokha everyday. There were a few bihari stalls that used to sell awesome litti chokha at BHU gate. Litti chokha is a very healthy food - no fried stuff, just boiled vegetables with small amount of oil. I remember my stomach used to be so much in order after litti chokha nights. Check out the video here, if interested -

Zaphyr - Paulo Cohelo and Books on iPad

Want to change inputs - books instead of ipad. I realize that reading paper books is more effective and fun than doing so on iPad because it is very easy switch to other activities on iPad such as watching youtube or reading magazine.

Discovered that I love management case studies. Case studies, to me, are small revelations. I see changes in the product offerings of companies but have no information on what triggered those change. Case studies are insight in these changes and are real stories that I love to hear. I have ordered a case studies compilation from Amazon.

Very impressed with Paulo Cohelo's Zaphyr. Book is a journey on self-discovery. Here are some random excerpts from the book -

1- The story we have been told is that all men can always get an erection. When he can't, the man fells useless, and the woman is convinced she is not attractive enough to arouse him. Its taboo and so man doesn't talk about it to his friend. And tell the woman the old lie "its never happened to me before"...... If he had trusted more in the love of his friends, if he had told the truth, he would have found out that he wasn't the only one. If he had trusted more in the love of the woman, he would not have felt humiliated. p81

2. The master had a buffalo. The animal's widespread horns made him think that if he could manage to sit between them, it would be like sitting on a throne. One day, when the animal was distracted, he climbed up between the horns and did just that. The buffalo, however, immediately lumbered to its feet and threw him off. When his wife saw this, she began to cry. "Don't cry" said the master, once he had recovered. "I may have suffered, but I also realized my dreams".p85

3. I went to the train station today and learned that the distance between the tracks is always 143.5 cm or 4 feet 81/2 inches. Why this absurd measurement? I asked my girlfriend to find out and this is what she discovered. When they build the first train carriage, they used the same tools as they had for building horse-drawn carriages. And why that distance between the wheels of the carriage? Because that was the width of the old road, the carriage had to travel. And who decided that roads should be that width? Well, it was decided by the war chariots width, that were pulled by two horses, placed side by side took 143.5 cm space.

So the distance of our state of the art tracks is determined by the war chariots used by Romans....

What this discussion has anything to do with marriage.... It has everything to do with marriage. At some point in history, someone turned up and said: when two people get married, they must stay frozen like that for the rest of their lives. You will move along side by side like two tracks, keeping always the same distance apart. Even if sometimes one of you needs to be a little farther away or a little closer, that is against the rules.p118

4. We chose to stay outside, outside a world that is fast collapsing, outside people who live in constant fear of losing something, who walk along the street as if everything was fine, when, in fact, everything is bad, very bad indeed! Don't you beg too?Don't you ask from your boss to pay the owner of your apartment? p167

5. Accumulated knowledge is useful when it comes to cooking or living within your means or....Do you believe that your past love has taught you to love better. No on the contrary, in order to surrender myself to him, I had to forget the scars left by other men. p178

6. The teacher of the archery says that no shots could be repeated, and there is no point trying to learn good shots or bad shots. What matters is repeating it hundreds and thousands of times, until we have freed ourselves from the idea of hitting the target and have ourselves become the arrow, the bow, the target. At that moment, the energy of "thing" guides our movements and then we begin to release the arrow not when we want to, but when the "thing" believes the moment has come. p205