I can identify with this song

Kabira Lyrics

Kaisi teri khudgarzi
Na dhoop chune na chhaaon
Kaisi teri khudgarzi
Kisi thor tike na paaon (x2)

Ban liya apna paigambar
Tar liya tu saat samandar
Phir bhi sookha mann ke andar
Kyun reh gaya

Re Kabira maan jaa
Re Faqeera maan jaa
Aaja tujhko pukaare teri parchhaaiyan
Re Kabira maan ja
Re Faqeera maan ja
Kaisa tu hai nirmohi kaisa harjaaiya

Tooti chaarpaai wohi
Thandi purvaai rasta dekhe
Doodhon ki malaai wohi
Mitti ki suraahi rasta dekhe..

Kaisi teri khudgarzi
Lab namak rame na misri
Kaisi teri khudgarzi
Tujhe preet purani bisri..
Mast Maula, mast Kalander
Tu hawa ka ek bavandar
Bujh ke yun andar hi andar
Kyun reh gaya..

Re Kabira maan jaa
Re Faqeera maan jaa
Aaja tujhko pukaare teri parchhaaiyan
Re Kabira maan ja
Re Faqeera maan ja
Kaisa tu hai nirmohi kaisa harjaaiya...

Relationships in India

A very large population in India has ensured low penalty for failed relationships but better proficiency to handling relations. In USA, relationships are so important. People generally live in nuclear families dependent for emotional support on a very small set of people. If people are staying at one place, it pays to make sure healthy relationships with limited number of people one gets to meet and live with. It is also the reason why death is so feared in USA and why people even in big cities suicide to get away from loneliness.

Situation is exactly opposite in India. I meet at least tens of people on a daily basis. I have to consistently adjust my behavior according to person i meet i. e. family member, servant, government officer or strangers. On one hand, this intense human interaction leads to excellent people skills but on the other hand, it causes lowering the value of maintaining a healthy relationships. If one relationship fails, people can afford to move on fast. Apathy and deception in relationships is, therefore, prevalent. Some people have made deception a profession. I know some who go on taking loan from one person after other only to never pay them back. But they can still do it because the sheer number of relationships they can afford to waste. 

i have changed address so many times

That i cannot remember.


may 2001 - may 2002 - chicken and ribs
may 2002 - may 2003 - adam
may 2003 - Dec 2003 - no indian
jan 2004 - may 2004 - campus square
may 2004 - may 2006 - graham
may 2006 - nov 2006 - 308
dec 2006 - dec 2007 - fountainhead, ma
sept 2007 - may 2008 - newton, ma
may 2008 - Dec 2008 - worcester, ma
Jan 2009 - Dec 2009 - Ahmedabad, IN
Jan 2010 - June 2010 - Delhi
July 2010 - Pittsburg, PA
Aug 2010 - Apr 2011 - Hellertown, PA
Apr 2011 to Oct 2011 - Whitehall PA
Nov 2011 - Jul 2013 - Corning, NY
Aug 2013 - Paris, France

I don't know who wrote but this is what i find in old books

Inside The Madness ( Exploration )
Missing image

I never really knew for sure

just how badly I was broken

Until the demons In my head

were prodded and awoken

Hearing all those whispers

crawling In my mind

I take a peek behind the mask

dreading what I'II find



Ash upon the embers

Fire within the cloud

Blends with shadowed whispers

and becomes my silken shroud

I have the scars to guide me

to show me where I've been

False hope, and Illusions

are mostly what I've seen



In darkened hours of sullen nights

as shrouded as the dead

Tears spring from my fragile mask

and drown me In my head

The calm Is now the storm

as fire drips from my eyes

Lift the mask slowly up  ~and~

look under my disguise

My journal during time in Indicorps 2009 - 10

31^st Jan 09

Today was the interview. I have prepared the interview by talking with Mamta. I was prepared to answer most of the questions found on the net. I reached ISB around 40 mins before the scheduled time. They gave me a word “realm” to write a hundred word essay. I had no difficulty writing an essay. By the time I finished the interview one guy took me to the room for interview. There was a panel of two staff members and an alumni to take my interview. I did not answer well to most of the questions and completely failed to steer the interview to present myself in the way I inteneded. 

9^th Feb 09

Disappointing day. I had hoped that EVDO card will be activated today and ISB will give call today. Both of the things did not materialize. I am tense, tomorrow is the last day of the decision by ISB. My mind has started preparing for a rejection. I realize that I have lost that willpower which used to make me come out of any crisis or make anything possible for me. Maybe ISB rejection will put back that fire in me.

10^th Feb. 09

ISB rejection is finally in as I expected. In reality, I had not expected the rejection. I have at least expected wait listing. But maybe I was this bad in the interview. I am in no mood to type anymore. Future seems so bad. But it is probably an overstatement that I am all that broken. I am slowly coming to senses that Indicorps is the perfect thing for me. Maybe this is the blessing in disguise.

19^th feb 09

Oh what a day. I worked all day on my computer. It is such a nice feeling of fulfillment at the end of the day. Indicorps has so amazing people. Staff people set out time with me to talk about my things. It is such a nice way to show care for me. I am all but impressed with this bunch of achievers. They work 10 in the morning to 2 in the night. Make their own food, wash their clothes, and travel in buses or on foot. They are in themselves living Gandhis. They set out on “be the change you want in the world”. And the rest is as good if not less. The kids all around make it so natural a place for me to stay and prosper. Sometimes insecurities bother me. I have no answers but questions and search only. I am sending emails for the green paper and getting reply back. It feels so nice to have this communication. I get a sense of power people reply when I contact them.

23^rd Feb.

Last week, we met Harris Wafford. Learnings –

And also two laborers who put sand in the GandiAhsram. Wondered about the meaning of self-pity self respect and come to see it in a different light. There are other migrants. But they seem to have better sense of self. Doctor spoke about the 50% share in the body and that you can not take care of your body. It is just that. Whether we take the responsibility of ourselves or not. I am gung-ho on the concept of indijournal.

27^th Feb 2009

The speak4 change class went real good. I could see point coming from people. We showed MLK “I have a dream” speech. It generated a lot of interest in people. We had a round on what dream we have. It was a surprise to hear some of the point brought up by people. Maulik pointed out that the speech was mostly forward looking and not backward looking. Most of the time MLK’s thoughts were pointed to a brighter future rather than remembering the past. Another point brought up by him during a discussion was that we are invariably linked with the country in all of our actions. If we bribe that actually goes into creating more corruption in the country. It is like we do our bit to a larger problem. We are no less to blame even if we did a small petty infringement of law.

I get a high out of a successful class. Siddharth gave a rousing presentation and I could see the favorable impression it made on people. They were excited and probably bring others to the class next time. After the class, I gave a lecture on bearing responsibilities to Jayesh. He was shirking responsibilities for quite some time now. He took the responsibility to create the class next time. After dinner we went to naturals icecream parlour to celebrate the success. I was wearing a kuch to karo yaar tshirt. There were some youg netas there smoking, drinking and chatting up. They made fun of us. I did not bother but instead of leaving the scene confronted them in their laughter by telling them which organization I come from. They did not bother much and I was off to have icecream.

Jan 9^th, 2010

A lot of change in the first week of the January. We (Mamta and I) went to the Diu to celebrate our anniversary and subsequently moved to Delhi. Diu is closest you can get to a heaven on earth at least from our standard. For one, there was no tout to take you around the island and second, no hassle getting a hotel room like other places in India where you have to prove that married people have to prove their marriages. Diu has bike rental places where we got a scooty to set exploring beaches of this 40 square kilometer island. What a vacation it was, day were spend exploring the island, evenings on the moonlit beaches next to the fire listening music of the waves and nights making love. We replaced bottled water with the coconut water available everywhere, ate out at local Portuguese places and drank a lot and crated scene.  

Feb 28^th 2010

I realize that life is an abyss. You can not fall enough. This is such a valid reason for optimism. Any base is a self-made creation.

May 10^th 2010

I learned at Indicorps that simplicity is viable. It is also convenient to take a bus rather than wait for a taxi besides a bus present more opportunities to observe and interact with people. Recently, during such a bus ride an interesting thing happened. On the way to a certain destination, the bus driver insisted on following rules and forced me to disembark a mile before the destination. I found it strange that a bus wala in Delhi would follow rules. On my return an hour later, I, incidentally, got the same bus, though I was nowhere close to a bus stop. The same bus wala followed rules on my way to destination and forgot about rules on my return. I thought hard about the contrast in the behavior of the bus driver and finally discovered what is called aligned incentives.

As far as I know buses are leased to bus drivers on daily (weekly or monthly) basis and therefore, it is in the bus driver’s interest to maximize earning. One of the ways to maximize earning is to not run buses when riders are fewer. The lowered bus frequency could be experience on a hot afternoon (apparently, when buses are needed the most). Also, the maximizing earning effect could be experienced in how bus drivers treat people. Once a person purchase ticket, the drive’s interest is fulfilled. There is no other value to extract from the person. Thus, on my way to my destination, I was forced to disembark because I have already purchased the ticket. Following rules was a convenient way to achieve the intended outcome. However, on my return, I held the value as a possible customer, and so rules were not followed.

This incident made me think about other things happening around me. The world runs not because of rules but because of aligned incentives.

The primary focus of a bus driver is to maximize earning. 

Old Amazing Poems

I can't believe now I wrote them.

kOsao kOsao AnauBava idyao tUnao ijandgaI

kOsao kOsao AnauBava idyao tUnao ijandgaI

isarifro Ajagar sao laaogaao ko saaqa

baadlaao sao #vaaba laokr

calao Aayao banaato KUbasaUrt hvaa

AaOr pa ilayao baoisar pOr kI ijandgaI

kOsao kOsao rastao pr Gaumaayaa tUnao ijandgaI

AarjaU ikyaa jaao

]D,anaao kao mana kI

]D,anao calao ptnga saI

calato calao jaha^M laokr gayaI hvaa

AaOr pa gayao ek hlkI ijandgaI

khanaI

vaao Aba khanaI bana gayaI

jaao kla huAa krtI qaI

hr ek puranaI caIja kao

saD, jaanaa caaihyao

Aba vaao vaIranaI hao gayaI

jaao ABaI tk BarI rhtI qaI

hr ek idla kao kuC idna tao

KalaI rhnaa caaihyao । 

मेरी आश 

मैं सोचता हूँ ,
मैं रहूँगा हमेशा 
ऐसे ही उदास 
ऐसे ही खिलखिलाता या कहो 
ऐसा ही सर्फिराज 

वक़्त की आंधियां या तो मेरे 
हौसले तोड़ देंगी या फिर 
प्यार की गलियां मेरे लिए 
रास्ता ना देंगी, फिर भी 

कुछ है यहाँ 
मेरे अंदर बैठा हुआ तैयार 
इन उदासियों के काले कीचड़ में 
स्वच्छ पानी की तरह मिला हुआ 
मेरे अंधकार में 
रोशिनी सा घुला हुआ 
हर एक मेरी कमजोरी को थामे 
उस्का मजबूत पह्लु 
उस्के अस्तित्व का अभिन्न हिस्सा 
मेरी आश  

एक विचार 

केवल एक विचार है
शरीर है तो अस्तित्व है
प्यार है घ्रणा है
रिश्तो में बंधा है
अधिकार है

हल्कापन नहीं है
जैसा शरीर के ना होने पर होता
काया है तो रास है
भूख है प्यास है
नींद है आश है
अन्जान है पर बना है

शरीर असुविधा है
भारी तन लेकर चलना पड़ता है
"मैं" है तो भय है
विनती है अहंकार है
अँधेरे में जो पला है
रोशिनी विज्ञान है

मेरी कवितायें 

मेरी कवितायें
मेरे मैं की कहानी हो सक्ती है ।
मेरे सच का बना दर्पण
तुम्हारे सच को दिखा सकती हैं ।

मेरी कवितायें
मेरे सुख दुःख की साथी हो सकती हैं ।
इस घने अनंत में वो सूर्य हो सकती हैं
तुम्हारे दिये में वो बाती हो सकती है।

सोता दिन 

एक सुबह निकली
बिना धूप की ।
ना ही उस्में तेज था
ना थी सोखी
जो सोख सक्ती, मेरे आलस को

और फिर बरसात चली
बिना बूँदों की ।
ना ही उसमें नमी थी
ना ही थी उमंग
जो मस्ती से भर सक्ती, मेरे मन को।

आखिर में बस एक आह निकली
बिना विचारो के  ।
बिना भावो के ।
ना ही उसमे गम था
ना ही थी खुली हँसी
जो कम से कम रोक सक्ती, मेरे सोते दिन को।

how to avoid getting robbed travelling in India - lesson from the past 2009

How to get a confirmed rail ticket in India?

1-     As soon as you come to know of your plans, even if they are not concrete, go to www.irctc.co.in and reserve ticket. At most, if the ticket is confirmed, you will get a Rs. 100 loss if you somehow scrapped the plan and cancelled the ticket.

2-     If you had no time to book ticket and it is within one week of the journey

a.     First see if there is a

Jouney plan

1-     www.irctc.co.in e-ticket à conf àDone!!

2-     www.irctc.co.in e-ticket àwaitlist àbook and wait five days to journey until Tatkal activated àsee tatkal àconfirmed àDone!!

3-     See tatkal à Waitlist à do not book but look at the route to find other stations on the routeà Book from other stations in the route following the procedure above.

4-     Waitlisted à No tatkal à look for NRI quota at station à conf à done

5-     No NRI quota or Tatkal à go to a legitimate travel agent à pay a fee for booking confirmed à Done!!

Lessons

1-     Information is single most important and scarce resource while travelling in India. Most of the travelers get information from friends and family or more net savvy from internet and many travel guides. But in my personal experience information is either not complete or not fully accurate. Sometimes, details have changed by the time we visit the place. For example, when we visited Dharmashala, we found that many restaurants mentioned in the lonely planet guide have changed considerably from the description. In these conditions, people tend to rely on locals for the information for good place to stay, eat, shopping, etc. and no doubt they get cheated. For these conditions, I am mentioning here a few lessons learned during the course of our travel

a.     People with vested interest are anyone offering any service. Taxi/bus operators, hotel operators, touts, restaurant walla, shopkeepers etc.

b.     If a person is eager to give information, he/she has a vested interest. May be the person doesn’t look like offering any service but still may have a vested interest.

                                               i.     Our ticket to Jammu from Ahmedabad did not get confirmed. We wanted to travel legally. So we refused the offer from a shady person selling ticket in the next train. Next we went to the platform and there we found a too eager TC lookalike government officer. This guy told us to pay Rs 900 and promised to get a seat. We hoped to get a confirmed seat in due course. We paid and later discovered that we have paid an advance penalty fee to travel in the sleeper class. This guy was a platform TC who probably got commission on number of penalties scored in a day. Our fault was that we approached a person with vested interest for information. We should have asked the question why this person is so interested to give us a seat while no government officer seems so eager.

c.     Never take anything for free, it is a trap.

                                               i.     A person in Jammu showed us a room. He said there is no charge for the room, you pay whatever you wish. We immediately turned down the offer. In such cases, first there is no obligation for providing good services. Also, a reasonable person feel compelled to accept further services offered at inflated prices. In our case, the person has a puja samagri shop right in front of the hotel. We were sure that we would be compelled to buy puja samagri at high prices from the shop.

d.     Never ask a person with vested interest for information.

                                               i.     Taxi wala in McLeod Ganj told us wrong timing for the last bus leaving for Pathancoat. Bus timing was half hour earlier. Luckily we were at the bus stop half hr earlier and got on the bus on time. Taxi wala has a vested interest in tourist who can pay for taxi services. We certainly fall in taxi wala range of interest. If we miss the bus, he will get to make money as there is no bus available later.

2-     Who do we ask then?

a.     Good question!! We should ask anyone who do not have any interest in that particular service and who may have the information. Ask at least two people for the same information. For example, ask shop owners for good restaurants (the one running most is generally the best in India).  Taxi walas and hotel walas sometime have commission in restaurants. For a hotel room, never ask taxi wala. He will certainly have commission. Ask local tourists, sabji fruit wala, police wala, locals like youth, uncle or auntie living close by.

3-     There are two types of arrangements made for travelling. First those who do not want any trouble on the way approach travel agents. Agents take a fee and book on well visited touristic places. This is a safe and hassle free journey. But one gets to see only old touristic places with lots of touts. Also, one does not get the service commensurate to the price paid. In such a trip, one is at the mercy of travel agent for everything. In my experience, most of the agents are concerned about maximizing their profits than anything else which at the end results in a bad taste for most of the tourist.

Second way is to search for places on internet, online/offline guides and forums. 

Discrimination

We judge people on their appearances and discriminate them on many criteria all the times. Discrimination is very useful tool in several situations. It might help us avoid bad neighborhoods or help us avoid unsuitable job candidates. But discrimination is not celebrated for a reason, it filters out a lot that is capable but not given the opportunity.

Despite of all the laws and regulations against discrimination, it is very easy to discriminate. If you are black, you cannot hide that fact. If you had a medical condition, or not beautiful, it is also not so often easy to hide. Airline industry regularly discriminates against fat people. In my office, a lady with cancer was discriminated against for years despite having very good credentials for administrative assistant job.

Discrimination is, however, not limited to organizations. Countries discriminate. US laws discriminate against immigrants despite the fact that USA is a country of immigrants. I applied to many jobs recently and number one reason employer would not take me was the fact that they would have to sponsor my visa. By law, none of them can ask my immigration status, but they would find out. Companies behavior is outright ridiculous when it comes to hiring immigrants. I applied to a company recently where they sent a questionnaire to fill out. One of the question was a roundabout way to ask my immigration status "would your employer need to sponsor your visa". I submitted the questionnaire with correct status. I got a reply within minustes of sending the questionnaire i. e. employer did not even look at what I wrote in answer to other questions.

Discrimination is the result of high supply and low demand. It is most where there are plenty with the skill but fewer jobs. Low skill jobs are as such because anyone can do the job. When my nephew can plumber why i need to hire a plumber. As we go up the skill level, the chances of discrimination go down simply because people with the right skills are hard to find. But it only works when there are plenty of jobs available. For example, a high skilled artist will not be in demand in africa because their are no high skills job available. A combination of skills and global mobility also makes one hard to be discriminated against. Consider for example an artist with a MBA who is willing to travel and relocate to different locations. He would be high in demand from somewhere in the world and would not have competition in skills set from many.

Advice i received on how to manage my manager!

Company has no heart. It cannot see employees good deeds and make decisions based on good intentions. Coworkers have heart but they have higher priority interests to take care of before they care about a fellow worker. One cannot really blame ones boss for apathy. In short, nobody give a damn about others career, hard work and progress. This is objective truth about most companies.

Recently, I met my mentor again after a period of time. Great thing about mentorship is that although coworkers or superiors cannot do too much about you, they can give great advice if you ask them. This is the case with my mentor. He has  a lot of wisdom and if asked nicely there is no conflict to share a part of that wisdom.

This time i was fretting about what to do next in my career. My first year has been great for the business. We grew the business 20X (5X of the target sale). It was an achievement especially when the company overall did not do well. Also, I had a major part to play in the success. The advice was about how to claim the credit. According to him, expectations should be set at the beginning of the project which paves the way for asking for promotions at the end of the project. How? It is best to decide at the start of the project the role and work to be done and put it on paper. This sets the expectation. If one does great in the job, in the absence of such a written document, it becomes hard to determine how much more has been achieved against what was decided at the beginning.  Also it is best to mention at the beginning what would you like to get if you succeed. It is like setting up price for the work at the beginning rather than telling the price at the conclusion of the work. People can feel cheated that they did not know the price was gonna be so much higher. 

Praise for my wife!

I have been two times lucky. My mom and my wife are two great people in my life. My mom was the inspiration and the strength that propelled me through gruelling preparations and trials of IITs. My wife, M, has gracefully taken place of my mom (just because she is with me all the time).

M's attitude is very unconventional and different from her peers. Otherwise who would let her husband leave a good job and dabble in uncertainities and that too without questionning the intent even once. The poise, the calm and the careless disposition that prevails in her during such trails rattles me. I am, for one, unsettle in such situations fast. Recently, when i was without a job or furture prospects, I was so perturbed that i could not sleep properly. Not so with M.

M's dedication to things important is total. She is quiet and relentless in her persuit to raise our son. She appears a bit like a monk deep in her meditation complete and in joy. It inspires me.

M is deep and pragmatic. It is hard for someone to give crap to M. She will not impose her belief on others but will not accept bullshit. This passive acceptance of good and rejection of bad helps her not to offend others. It is also a great strength as it helps her set things stright fast.

M is a social animal. She makes friends fast and develops deep relations. It is evident in the fact that all my university friends are closer to her than they are to me.

M, however, does not know her strengths well. Maybe because all of it comes so naturally to her. It is a bit like one does not know one's swimming abilities until one is in water. Being close to M for many years in variety of situations - this is my personal assessment of M. This is also a present to M for her 33rd B'day.

Happy B'Day M.

You are awesome!!

Networking

A lot of times we come in contact with people but do not network with them. I mean we know someone but would that guy or girl is any useful in getting a new job. Forgot about job, is he or she is even useful to get an objective constructive advice. This is the reason why effective networking is necessary. I define effective networking as making connection with people who can be your advisors and well wishers and ready to do real things for you. You can rely on them.

I see two ways to do so. First is creating mentors - people who are in the advanced stage of career you seek. It is much easier to find them now because of all the networking tools such as LinkedIn. But finding right mentor is only scratching the surface of it. There is lot more work that goes nurturing the relationship. It is important to call at regular intervals to share issues and ask advice and generally spend time in informal chit chat.

Second way it to become mentor. Don't offer advice in vain but wait for people to make effort. It is important for menti to have a listening ear. It is advisable however to make oneself available to a large audience. That could be done by creating a good LinkedIn and Facebook profiles and presenting at different meeting.

Slow Down to speed up

We need to slow down in order to speed up accomplishing thing. Lately I have been watching myself. I do not want to spend a few mins in meditation, taking a plate to put onion on or keeping water while eating but spend hrs browsing Facebook or reading useless news. I have decided to not rush and take time where it counts. I will take water when eating, I wi not rush at the intersection when the light is at yellow, I will not rush to take off clothes as soon as I am back in my home. I hope that being conscious and aware of my action will be a meditation of its own.

Equanimity

I need it. I need to develop being calm and poised in face of things going wrong. Other day we went to ski. After much calculation I took the ski rental and lift ticket and went off to ski at the beginners slope since I have not skied for a long time. I was super surprised to see how we'll I had hold off my learning. It almost felt that I have improved in all this time I have not skied. It went so well that I decided to give the next level of ski a try. Next level was novice level but the slope was 5 times longer and full of twist and turns. I had my reservations and fears but I decided to give it a try anyways.

Slope was easy at the start but got turning and twisting fast. At the first turn, the ski came loose. I fixed and moved on but it again came loose and would not come on. I tried in vain many times and came to conclusion soon that it is not gonna come on. Ski people have cheated me and I have to walk all the way down holding ski. It was strangely humiliating walking down 20 mins and full of slip up and fall downs. When I reached down, I was boiling with anger. I reached to the ski office and offloaded my anger on the first guy I met. Not a surprise that the teenager was surprise and angry as well. I told him to call his boss. While boss was still finding his/her way to me, a lady came and explained that there might be ice on skates that prevented it to latch on. I put down the ski and tried to latch and it did it perfectly. I have no words. My anger has humiliated me. Nothing to say I asked where to return ski boots.

This is a lesson. I did not need to assume on the slope that ski can't be latched. I should have asked other skiers for solution or given it a try myself at least half the slope. I was angry too fast and too hesitant to talk to anyone. Remaining calm and poised would have helped me solve the problem and enjoy $64 more than I did.